There is actually a claiming in casino poker. ‘If you can’t find the fool in your 1st half hr at the desk at that point you are actually the fool’.
Golf has plenty of fools, naturally. Cyberpunks that assume they’re pros. Regulations pedants. Any person using a white colored district.
But there is actually one that stands up above. I’d usually compose ‘happily’, however this gamer possesses received absolutely nothing to become material concerning.
If you can’t identify this cancer cells on the golf courses coming from what I’m about to inform you – and also it appears every fourball possesses received one in their rankings – properly, greetings, it’s you.
Who is actually the most awful individual in the nightclub? The lagger. This person’s therefore villainous, therefore villainous, their participating in companions possess rid on their own of any type of wish to become in their business. That’s why they’re regularly hanging back. Far responsible for.
They’ve received an obsessive necessity to difficulty and also buns concerning.
They’re the golf players that can’t allow a round go. They’ll stray back and forth like a robotic lawn mower up until they discover one thing – everything – to substitute the struggling Molitor they’ve merely slapped right into the broccoli. 3 mins? You’re possessing a laugh.
This is actually certainly not 2013 any longer – 5 mins ran out 10 mins back. These unbearable individuals certainly never give up and also cannot accept that they might lose a ball. It’s never their fault either, is it?
‘I struck that really well, too well if anything!’ No, no you didn’t. It is why we are searching in waist-high grass.
The straggler has also got a Masters in fiddling. It’s very easy to get a headcover back on but they make it look like they’re deciphering quantum mechanics.
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Can’t play, won’t play: The straggler is the worst person at your golf club
Their trolley is always on the wrong side of the green. YOU KNOW WHERE THE NEXT TEE BOX IS – YOU PLAY HERE FOUR TIMES A WEEK.
Then, after you’ve been queuing up to hit that approach shot for the last 10 minutes on a crammed course, they’ll saunter right across your line as they clear the putting surface and send your blood boiling further.
Filling in scorecards? You know where this is going. Stood like a statue on the green, natch. Yes, you’re the only golfer on the course. You take your time. After all, this monsoon we’re standing under is due to pass in two hours.
On the few occasions they’re actually level with the rest of their group, this is the time they choose to impart something they consider of crucial importance to an innocent victim in the party.
This conversation can easily’t take place on the move, you understand. It must be conducted at close quarters, at a standstill, with you naturally swinging behind in fury on the tee.
And can they play? Don’t be so stupid. You’ll tap into your keyboards in a frenzy about 54-handicappers but this is your real enemy. Tee shots are topped, approaches thinned, putts blazed past the hole.
The only possible excuse I can come up with for them is the theory of time dilation.
Not heard of it? It’s where the length of time changes when objects travel close to the speed of light. So 30 seconds for them is like three years for the rest of us.
Are they actually going so fast they just seem actually slow? Einstein says it’s possible. It’s much more likely, however, they’re just ignorant.
So as I fume at this latest idiot flailing around 250 yards behind the rest of his group on a par 5 (they were actually putting out as this guy was still fumbling around for something in the middle of our fairway), I’m sharpening the edge of my wedge.
It would be an act of mercy. For the rest of us.
Now have your say
What do you make of the Angry Club Golfer’s latest moan? Have you suffered at the hands of a straggler, or is actually this just another pointless storm in a teacup? Let us understand through leaving behind a talk about X.